pregnancy – Nowcasting Life

This Blog turns 1!!

I cannot believe that one year ago today I launched this blog! To be honest, I had a few anxiety attacks over it. But I knew I was doing the right thing. It was so important to me to share my own, high risk pregnancy experience. I wanted others, who were either going through the same thing or something similar to have a real-life example to compare to, and to ultimately know that you are not alone.

I never expected it to grow to more than 8000 subscribers, or to receive the messages and emails from other people experiencing the same way. I feel like I have gotten more out of this experience than I ever gave. So, thank you!

While I am no longer pregnant, I still deal with all of the issues that made it hard for me to get pregnant in the first place, and made my first, second and third trimesters so stressful. I still have uterus didelphys, Factor V Leiden, my endometriosis can return, and so could my uterine polyps.

So, now I’m focusing on being a good mom, taking care of my health and finding ways to help others in their journeys as well.

Knowledge is power! And I firmly believe that the more thoughtful conversations we have, the more we share, the more power we give ourselves to make our lives better.

My journey

I don’t know why, but I was feeling nostalgic today. This blog has been one documenting my pregnancy with my, now 6 month old, son. What most people don’t know, is that I kept a private blog, documenting my journey through infertility and finally a pregnancy that stuck. I think I’m going to start sharing some of those.

That blog kept me sane, helped me sort out my feelings and move forward despite the heart ache. So today, I’m sharing one I called “Hope”. I wrote it the day I found out I was pregnant with my Hannah.

“2-1-12….

Hope

I have hope today. This month, I believe I ovulated early. Fortunately, much like the mean signs of Aunt Flo’s arrival, I’m very familiar with the friendly signs of “Olivia”. I caught it. And this morning, I took a positive pregnancy test.

I’m trying to stay calm. We’re keeping it to ourselves, and I have an appointment for my first blood draw at 1:45 p.m. I need this draw and the next one to show positive growth, and then I’ll get put on Lovenox.

I pray with all of my heart that God keeps this life/lives healthy and safe.

We’ll see what happens next, but for now, I have hope.”

I have mastitis and I am blessed

Tonight my heart aches. Early on, I found out I was pregnant and due around the same time as a good friend of mine. It was so exciting to be able to share some experiences, knowing we would have kids the same age.

Today, her daughter, Olive, passed away. She aspirated meconium and couldn’t breathe on her own after child birth. The trauma was too much for her baby girl. Olive spent 2 days on this earth, and then went to be with Jesus this morning.

I write this sitting in a hospital room as I battle a very painful mastitis… an infection associated with breastfeeding. But I am blessed to even get to deal with something like this.

So tonight, no matter what you believe, or even if you don’t, I ask that you keep my friend, her husband and their daughter, Olive in your thoughts and prayers. They are the kind of family who constantly thinks of others and always makes a point to let you know they are thinking of you. They don’t deserve this. Really, no one does.

Meet Colin Michael

The 3-4th of July were crazy days. Needless to say, I was NOT expecting my water to break before my cerclage came out, and I was NOT expecting to deliver a late pre-term baby. But here we are, and Colin Michael is doing great for his gestational age.

Born at 2:56 a.m. on July 4th, 2014, he weighed 5 lbs, 10 oz. and was 18 inches long.

I knew the exact moment my water broke. I felt a pop, and then I was literally soaked with water. My water broke with my daughter, so there was no confusion what this was this time… and it was a mess… despite the cerclage.

As my husband raced around the house to grab the necessities… diapers for Hannah, phones and chargers, and my computer… our daughter sat on the couch watching quietly. She knew something was wrong. Mommy was on her hands and knees on the floor and daddy was running around the house like a mad man! How could you not?! LOL

We didn’t have time to pack much more because I started to feel contractions quickly after my water broke, and the last thing I wanted to do was tear through that stitch. We’d figure the rest out later. We needed to get to the hospital pronto.

I was scared. This was not going at all how I planned in my head. The birth of your child rarely does. I wasn’t too scared for my baby. 35 week kids can go either way… need breathing tubes and feeding tubes in the NICU, or be totally fine. I was more scared for me.

First of all, we were no where close to ready. Rooms hadn’t been painted. Closets weren’t set up. Furniture hadn’t arrived. Oh yeah and the basement is under construction.

Second, and most importantly my stitch was still in. Who the heck was going to take it out?? Were we going to get to it in time?

That process turned out to be much more complicated than what I thought. My doctor was on vacation this weekend, I knew she would be. But she still called ahead to labor and delivery to let them know I was coming in.

After check in they took me to a labor and delivery room where two doctors (pretty typical for a teaching hospital) sat down and we discussed how the stitch was going to come out. I opted for no medication to start. I knew it was a relatively quick procedure. In fact, I figured I was in enough pain with the contractions… just take it out in between and I’d be okay.

Uh… wrong assumption. Because the stitch was wrapped around both of my cervices, it was extremely uncomfortable and even painful at times when they tried to just get a hold of it. It was taking A LOT longer than I expected. I looked from one doctor to another asking if it was over yet. They just couldn’t get it. At one point, they even asked what type of stitch I had!

Since it was causing me so much discomfort to take the stitch out with no meds, we decided to just get my epidural put in. Kill two birds with one stone… no more contractions, and less pain to take the stitch out.

So we waited… about half an hour to 45 minutes for the epidural to arrive. She was helping someone else who was having a c-section. By the time I finally got it in, my labor had progressed so much that my doctors could no longer locate the stitch. My cervix had swollen up completely around it.

At this point they had to call the on-call high risk doctor. I give the hospital major credit. They only wanted one O.R. open during the holiday, but my doctors and nurses managed to get the other one open to take care of me. So off I went. They numbed me up a little more and in minutes my stitch was out. I immediately dilated to 5 cm. In less than an hour I was at 8. We got that stitch out just in time.

Now it was a waiting game. I truly thought I was in the clear. And then I started to black out. I had no idea what was going on, but I knew something was wrong. All I knew was I was confused and I was about to lose consciousness. They later told me the color had completely drained from my face. I told my husband and my mother-in-law to find someone quickly. I did not want to wake up and have no baby in my belly, and somewhere inside something was telling me I needed to fight to stay awake.

My blood pressure had plummeted. Nurses came in, rolled me onto my left side and gave me medicine to get my blood pressure back up. We had to… because when that happened to me, it also happened to my baby. And that was frightening.

What I didn’t know was that can be a side effect to the epidural. It had never happened to me before. But apparently it’s pretty normal, and once we got my blood pressure back up, the baby’s slowly returned to normal too.

Finally, NOW it was a waiting game.

It took me 3 pushes and ten minutes for the little guy to come into this world. He was a lot bigger than I thought he would be!

When your baby is pre-term, a ton of people are in that labor and delivery room with you. There your doctors, any family you want, and a full staff of folks from the NICU. I knew that going in. But as Colin came out he screamed. It’s the most beautiful sound in the room. And his was LOUD. In fact, it basically prompted the entire NICU staff to leave. And that made me extremely happy.

They kept Colin in the hospital for longer than a usual full term baby. We needed to make sure he was gaining weight, passed breathing tests, hearing tests, car seat tests, etc. We supplemented him with milk until mine came in. Now, 2 and a half weeks later… he weighs more than six pounds, and my pediatrician says we need to stop treating him and thinking of him as a preemie… because he’s not acting like one. For that, I am so grateful.

You see, that night there were several 35 week moms who came in to UCH to deliver. Who knows what was going on that caused us all to go into labor. Three of those babies were still in the NICU when we were allowed to leave. So we were so blessed to have a baby who did and is doing so well.

Uterus didelphys threw me a couple of punches at the end of my pregnancy. Since Hannah had gone full term, we didn’t completely expect my next baby to come so early. But my doctors still warned me that it could happen.

Interestingly enough, both Hannah and Colin were the exact same size when they came into this world. I guess we now know the threshold for my right uterus! 5 lbs, 10 oz, 18 inches long… time to exit!

Colin Michael is my little fighter. And I can’t wait watch his life adventure begin!

Are you having twins? You still have til August???

35 weeks!

Ahh… the joys of nearing the end of your pregnancy. I don’t know what it is about being pregnant, but people feel like they can say ANYTHING to you. I truly believe everyone just wants to share in your joy. So, instead of letting my hormones go all righteous on strangers, I choose to laugh and play along. Because let’s be honest, while you jest at my water breaking and me going into labor at any moment, the truth is with me… it’s a very real possibility. And THEN what are you gonna do?

Before I get into some of my favorite comments, here’s the latest on me and baby boy: He weighs 4 lbs. 14 oz, and his measurements have dropped to the 32nd percentile. Not at all surprising, and not terrible either. He’s simply running out of space in my smaller uterus. He looks great! He’ll probably be just slightly larger than his sister when he’s born. My docs don’t even care about my cerclage anymore. It’s scheduled to come out in 2 weeks so it’s coming out soon, whether I go into labor before then or not.

I know, I know, he looks high… but he is actually VERY low. Lower than my daughter. He sits right on my pelvis, on my right side… which explains a lot of my sciatic pain. But he’s head down, and facing the right direction for delivery! That particular part makes this VERY real, and me pretty nervous… we still have a ton to do!

I’ve been seeing a therapist to help with my stress levels… and it has really been amazing. It is probably the best thing I could have done for my mental health. So, to distract myself from the stresses of getting ready here’s a few of the things that make me giggle every day.

My favorite comments: “You are all belly!” – Can’t get enough! If you could say that to me every 5 minutes, I will love you forever!

“You look amazing” – While I think you are lying thru your teeth, I love and appreciate your sincere attempt at making me awesome. Will you be my new BFF?

“It looks like you have on a movie prop” – I actually had an actor say this to me once. Me and Rob Schneider… 2012

Needless to say, Rob Schneider is now my favorite actor of all time.

“Has anyone helped you yet, because we don’t need you going into labor here at the counter.. (laughing)… When are you due? Tomorrow?” – Yeah, laugh it up chuckles, the joke’s gonna be on you when my water actually does break on your floor. I wish I was due tomorrow.. but baby’s in there possibly til August.

“Are you sure you’re not having twins?” – Seriously? Seriously. P.S. I know I’m large but the turkey timer (my belly button) hasn’t even popped yet. So slow your roll, I’m still baking.

And finally… “I sure hope your husband is rubbing oil on you every night!” – said the old man behind me in line at the supermarket. O.M.G. I was cornered and HAD to reply. (me stammering)… fortunately I haven’t needed that yet… It was the most polite thing I could think of. Nothing like that awkward feeling you just can’t escape! He made up for it by eventually telling me I was 23 and looked too young to have 2 kids. Poor man. I knew he meant well, but REALLY??? Clearly this blog is all about getting personal… but not like THAT!! I have to admit I laughed about that one all day.

I’ll be addressing the rude lady who called the station to say that she knew I was pregnant and thought my belly was “disgusting” in a future blog. Because in my line of work… we try to make everyone happy :). Cheers!!

Ocular migraines, sciatic nerve and 31 weeks!

31 weeks!! The countdown is on! When I went for my growth measurement Thursday one of my doctors said he now considers my pregnancy “old”… commenting on how fast the time has gone since we were focusing on potentially putting in a cerclage. I’ll take that as a compliment. 🙂

Baby looks great… they estimate he weighs 3 lbs 10oz, and if he continues on this track he’ll be an 8 lbs baby if he were to arrive on time. Yikes!! Uh, Hannah was 5 lbs 10 oz and a joy to give birth to. I don’t even want to THINK about what an 8 lbs baby is like. Let me put it another way, I know what my 9 lbs self did to my mom and her delivery. She’s a remarkable woman, and I’ll happily leave those feats to her. Ha!

His growth has slowed some over the last 8 weeks, but not enough to alarm my doctors. I’m curious to see what the next growth measurement is like in 4 weeks.

Meanwhile, it’s been quite the ride with my physical symptoms. A couple of weeks ago I went to the ER twice because I started losing about 40% of my vision. The first time it happened was while I was driving. I was pulling over anyway to get something to eat, but you can imagine my fear when I had an incredibly tough time reading menus and my phone. Not only was my vision blurry, but contained black spots as well. When I called my doctor they said to get to the hospital immediately. I went, and funny enough it went away on its own, and the baby was fine. Then it happened 3 days later. Once again, the ER couldn’t find anything wrong, but did tell me to keep my appointment with my eye doctor.

The diagnosis: ocular migraines. They don’t know what triggers them (maybe stress?), and may not occur again for several more years. Weird! But I’m so thankful we have an answer.

Next up… my sciatic nerve. I certainly don’t remember having THIS much pain with Hannah. It’s like he’s sitting right on it. Lately I’ll just be standing up and I’ll lose feeling in my right leg, or I’ll get horrible shooting pain from my hip down to my foot on my right side. The only thing that cures it is laying on my left side for as long as I can tolerate to get the little dude to move some. And you can forget about being comfortable while leaning back slightly or laying on my right side. Sometimes I have no choice but to do one of those things. It’s just an extremely painful experience. My doctor gave me a recommendation for a physical therapist at the hospital. That just might need to happen if I’m gonna last another 2 months.

I found out at my last doctors appointment that he is head down (yay!), facing my left side. So his little tushy continues to stretch my belly WAY over to the right. I wonder if that’s why I’m getting an outie (belly button) this time around, too? Hm… the mysteries of different pregnancies.

Braxton Hicks contractions continue. I’m REALLY hoping we keep him in there until the stitch is scheduled to come out in 6 weeks!!

Aaahhhhhh!!!! So much to do!!! So, I better end it here. Hooray for 31 weeks and a healthy kid!

Gestational Diabetes

Waiting… patiently

Anyone who has been through a pregnancy recently knows all about the glucose test. Yuck. Right now, I sit waiting to take mine. I chugged the nasty stuff about 50 minutes ago, and in 10 minutes they’re gonna take my blood. Another process I dislike… strongly.

They’re testing for gestational diabetes. One hour before you get your blood drawn you have to drink this syrupy liquid. My doctor’s office offers lemon-lime flavored or orange. Rumor has is lemon-lime is the best, and that’s the only one I’ve ever tried. It’s basically like drinking super sugary, flat, cold soda. You have to drink 5 ounces in 5 minutes. If you throw it up or arrive late to your appointment, you have to take it again… and the 3 hour test (I’ve heard) is even worse.

So here I sit…. 25 weeks pregnant… ready to take my test. Seven minutes to go.

Other than a cold that I STILL can’t get rid of, I’m feeling pretty good! Sounds like we’ll be taking out my cerclage at 37 weeks… or the middle of July, and then it’s game on!

Funny, it still feels like that’s a ways away, but when I was making my appointments it felt like this kid is coming on the express train and I better start getting ready! Yikes!

Side note… walking into the doctor’s office it was 80 degrees outside… and I was uncomfortably hot. I’m in trouble. July in Denver can be scorching. I’m not ready! I’m really not ready to start swelling! Ugh… the joys of being pregnant. Good thing the child at the end of the process makes it all worth it!

Four minutes to go…

(and now 2 days later)

They brought me in just after I typed that last sentence. I got home and crashed because I was so tired. I’ve since received my test results, and..

I failed. For real. FAILED. 157. They wanted the level to be less than 135. I’m not really sure how this has happened, but I now have to go in next Tuesday for the 3 hour test.

As I was telling my husband the news on the phone earlier today I couldn’t help but cry. Sometimes I feel like I just can’t catch a break. I know a lot of that is my pregnancy hormones talking, but it still sucks. I don’t want to have gestational diabetes on top of everything else.

My doctor says I haven’t done anything wrong, but I can’t help but feel like I have. I would just be devastated if I knew I did anything to harm myself or my unborn child. My doctor also says that we’re not worrying about anything until the results of the three hour test are in. I know she’s right, but it’s easier said than done.

Not only is the possible diagnosis super scary, but it’s a test I have to miss work to take. A test that won’t allow me to eat or drink anything until lunch that day… and then lunch has to be hospital food because I have a growth scan (another ultrasound) after lunch. I will be at the hospital half the day. I would rather be at work. I would rather have to wake up at 2:30 a.m. No offense to the lovely people who work at the hospital.

At least they say I’ll have wifi… so this computer is coming, and I’ll be able to keep you updated.

My mantra for this week: It’s worth it in the end… it’s worth it in the end…

My cerclage

It took a couple of days, but I’m finally out of my drug-induced haze! (No drugs were used that could harm the baby. They just made me REALLY drowsy.) All of last week happened so fast, the whole thing just feels surreal… like I’m going to wake up and this will all have been a dream. Despite that, the procedure to put in my cerclage could not have gone any better.

The decision was made last Tuesday. My cervix had been shortening, much slower than last time, but enough to worry my doctors that I may, in fact, deliver a preemie. So, after an anxious night of no sleep, we dropped our daughter off at daycare and arrived at the hospital just after 7:30 a.m. Thursday morning. It was snowing. Hard. Sorry (kind of) news friends who had to work through that without me! But we arrived safely, and then the waiting game began. Dr. Donnelly prepping me for surgery.

I hate taking medicine!

When you make quick decisions, you don’t really give yourself time to realize the full scope of what’s going on. So my nerves were doing pretty good that morning.

FAIR WARNING: If you do not believe in women and flatulence, (my husband) do not read any further. STOP READING NOW.

In fact, much like last time, I was much more worried about flatulence than I was about my doctor’s ability to put in the stitch.

You see, when you first enter into operating room, everything looks “normal”. Then, after the doors close, they hoist these things that make it look like you are about to participate in an olympic event… The rings! One of my best events in elementary school. I so got this!

Sadly, that is not what they would be used for that morning. Long story short, they give you a spinal to numb you from the waist down, then strap your legs in, and everyone gets up close and personal. It is my worst nightmare to be THAT gassy pregnant lady who breaks wind in all of my doctors’ faces. I mean, I was going to be awake for this!! MORTIFYING!!

At least last time they assured me they’d blame it on the only male in the room… the surgeon. hahaha. This time, it was all ladies who would be down there, so I felt it would be best to just give them fair warning.

Fortunately for me, I was a lady even while numb from the waist down.

This time, I actually slept through my surgery. Thank goodness… because by the time we made it all the way to that room I was one anxious pregnant lady! I had gotten so little sleep the night before that the “happy” drug they gave me knocked me out. Cold. When I woke up, they were finishing up.

Dr. Donnelly ended up sewing both cervixes together since the other one was so small comparatively. She felt that tying the two together would cause the least amount of bleeding, and least amount of risk.

You do spot red blood afterwards. But it’s not much, and totally normal. In fact, it is 2 days after surgery and I’m not spotting anymore. I feel a lot more tired than I did, and my back is sore. But otherwise I feel pretty good! And now I wait.

The reality is, I still could go into labor at 24 weeks. If your body wants to have the baby, you’re going to have the baby, cerclage or not. Milestones are BIG for me from now on. 24 weeks, 32 weeks… And my goal is to make it to 36 weeks when the stitch will come out. Wish me luck!!

Yesterday was National Doctor’s Appreciation Day… and I couldn’t get to this post, so here it is today! The doctors you pick can make a big difference in your care… and I don’t think I could have done any better with mine!

A HUGE thank you to these doctors for helping bring our beautiful little girl into this world! Dr. Tricia Huguelet with University of Colorado Hospital, Dr. Deb Smith with Rocky Mountain Fertility Center, Dr. Jaime Arruda with UCH, Dr. Nick Behrendt with UCH, and Dr. Joel Schwartz. Many more thanks to come when our son arrives! We really couldn’t have done this… and stayed sane… without you! – oh, and I apologize for no makeup. Been a little busy taking care of Hannah’s pink eye!

Only human

Christina Perri sings her song “Human”… mainly about a relationship, and sometimes faking your way through it. But every time I hear it, it reminds me of my own life right now… having nothing to do with relationships and everything to do with putting on a front.

I’ve said this before, my job on tv is not to be “Debbie Downer”. So I’ve created a fun little place where I can bury a lot of the stuff going on in my life. I admit, I overuse it. I’m really good at stashing away my problems at work, and keeping them stashed so I don’t have to think about them the rest of the day. The trouble is, that box gets too full and I start feeling the effects mentally and physically.

A horrible head cold took over my house last week. I’ve been so busy stashing away the things that stress me out, and finding new projects to keep me busy that I didn’t give myself time to stop, sit down and rest. The result was a head cold so bad that I couldn’t breathe or sleep for a week, and the onset of overnight anxiety attacks. I’d wake up to blow my nose, then couldn’t fall back to sleep for 3 or 4 hours. When you have to wake up at 2:30 a.m. for your job everyday, that’s not a good thing. My throat hurt so bad that eating and drinking were not appealing. I got dehydrated enough that I had a few contractions. Nothing consistent, but enough to make me bring it all up at my doctor’s visit Monday.

I nearly broke down in tears at her office (thank you, in part, pregnancy hormones) because I then started listing all of the things that were going on in my life and stressing me out. I opened the box.

I’m glad I did. It was a good reminder that I’m only human. I can only put on an act for so long, before my problems build up and break me.

Too much anxiety is not good during pregnancy. And when you’re at risk for preterm labor, like me, it only adds to the problem. Some studies have even shown that extra stress can lead to a preterm delivery. So, my doctor says time to stop adding on projects, and if the anxiety continues, then seeing a therapist would be a good option.

I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure my son is healthy when he arrives. So, as hard as it is to take a few steps back… it’s time to do that. I can’t keep burying my problems, because I’m only human.